Putting Together the Puzzle Pieces
Here are some of the things that helped me put together the final puzzle pieces to understanding what I was experiencing and start the process of going no contact and starting to heal (side note: when you’ve experienced this kind of abuse, you’ll never have ALL of the puzzle pieces. All you need is enough to see the big picture).
-I started digging through my old journal writings, emails to my abuser, etc. All of these writings were from the first few WEEKS of our relationship. They show so clearly how well I was doing at the start and how my mental health tanked very quickly. It was like our relationship was chutes and ladders and I only landed on the chutes. I would write about how everything seemed fine and all the sudden they would do or say something that just blew my mind. For as long as I always thought it was me that was bringing us down, I now had proof that that wasn’t true.
-I saw a conversation between my abuser and their new supply. I saw them say the exact same things and pull the exact same tactics they used on me.
“I’ve been into you since the moment I saw you. This feels like fate. It’s impossible to avoid. It’s magnetic.”
“You give me hope that I can be happy again.”
“I’m so into you. I know you’re married so I shouldn’t.” This is a common tactic once the victim is already hooked on the love bombing. They panic that they’re going to lose this new person who has put them on a pedestal and they make quick moves to be “available.” If only the next victims knew that they have a pattern of going after married women.
Since I already knew what love bombing was, all of this helped make it VERY clear what I was dealing with.
-I devoured any and all resources I could find about narcissism. I listened to podcasts, watched Tiktoks from people like @mentalhealness, @_ stronger _ than _ before _ (no spaces, I just couldn’t type it that way for some reason), and @manjitruprai. I read books (including Manjit’s book about narcissism). I learned about any and every narcissistic tactic so I could put together the puzzle pieces which have been very helpful in my healing journey.
