Let’s Just Break Up!

In this week’s podcast episode (It’s Not All Rainbows ep. The Break Up), I detail the actual day my abuser and I broke up.

The thing I want to focus on the most from that episode is “let’s just break up!” This is a common tactic when you’re trying to bring up a sensitive subject with an abuser. You’ve come prepared for the conversation. You have a list or have written out talking points so you don’t get off track. As soon as they start talking, they say “let’s just break up!”

This is done to disarm you. It makes you forget what you were talking about. It takes all responsibility off them and makes you feel guilty, crazy, or even foolish for bringing it up. It may even have you apologizing for being “the problem.” When this happens, you’re likely to drop the issue at hand and keep going as usual once the conversation ends. They’ve won this round.

This tactic can also sound like

“Why don’t you leave if it’s so bad?”

”Go back to your ex if I’m so terrible.”

”Why are you still here then?”

Usually after the conversation if you ask them about what they said they’ll say “I didn’t mean it.” They didn’t. They’re not trying to break up. They’re trying to shut you up.