Kids in Abusive Relationships

This is so important and definitely isn’t talked about enough. We all know what some OBVIOUS types of child abuse are (I won’t list them here). But what about the subtle, almost missed things an abuser can do?

These are the things my abuser did in regards to my son (which I didn’t understand at the time):

-gaslight him (you’re fine, that didn’t hurt, etc)

-minimize his feelings (stop crying)

-went from dressing him like he was a model to dressing him like a ragdoll (if you think this doesn’t mean anything…it most definitely does. It was done to devalue him and make sure I knew that he was no longer important to them)

-vacillate between being extremely comforting and offering him gifts, treats, making him lunches, doing bedtime routines, to being cruel or neglectful

-use him as an excuse for all of their failures and shortcomings (“I was late because of him,” “I can’t finish my masters program because of him,” “We can’t have sex/connect as a couple because of him”

-ping pong between complaining that we have him so often and saying his dad needs to take him more because he’s around too much

-be a threatening presence (storm around, loudly complain about him/his mess/how terrible I was at being a mom) so that he would run to his room and hide when they got home

-call him names out loud (“he’s a brat, without me he will grow up to be spoiled,” etc. This was mostly at the very end and what finally got me to leave).

-use him to guilt me into staying longer (“I can’t live without him, I love him so much, how will you take care of him without me?”)

-force me/his dad/him to call them his parent and endlessly try to compete with his dad/prove that they were a better parent

-pressure me to make decisions that went against my gut because it would make things more convenient for them

I hope none of your beautiful, worthy children have ever had to experience any of these things.