Is it Love or a Trauma Bond?

One of the most important discoveries that helped me get away from my abuser was an Instagram graphic that compared trauma bond vs. love. I found this after having thrown myself into learning about attachment styles, the enneagram, and any other tool that would explain why my relationship with my ex was so rocky. This one felt different. This one felt irrefutable.

Trauma bond: the relationship starts with instant attraction + connection, the connection is highly physical + sexual, the relationship cycles through extreme highs + lows, important conversations are avoided, the relationship feels like you are powerless to quit.

Love: the relationship starts with attraction + curiosity that builds over time, the connection is physical, sexual, emotional, + intellectual, the relationship is stable + predictable based on mutual trust, important conversations are a priority, the relationship feels like an honor, a privilege, + a choice.

I couldn’t lie. Our relationship ticked every box for the trauma bond side and no boxes for the love side.

Be honest. Where does your relationship fall?