It’s OK to Grieve

This week I would have been my 6 year wedding anniversary. I completely forgot until I opened my TimeHop and saw the beautiful photos from our special day. What an odd feeling to simultaneously be happy to be apart and wish we could have celebrated together.

The truth is that so often if you leave a marriage or a relationship, you’re made to feel like you can’t grieve. You left. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it. You should be happy in your new life. You’re finally out and living in your truth. Maybe you even have a new partner or interest. You should be just fine, right?

No. No matter how you look at it, your spouse was a huge part of your life. You chose to do life together. You made a commitment. You actually believed you would grow old together. My guess is you didn’t skip out the door when you told your spouse you wanted to separate. You cried, you grappled with feelings of guilt and shame, you considered staying and continuing to bury your queerness like you’ve been doing your entire life. You didn’t want to hurt them, you didn’t want to confuse the children, but you knew it was time. You needed YOU.

I waited two years to acknowledge to myself that I do miss my husband in a lot of ways. Of course, we still see each other often since we co-parent closely and do things as a family, but it’s different. I’m telling you it’s ok to grieve because I did not allow myself to. If you’re new to this process, give yourself all the time you need to feel whatever feelings arise for you. Go to therapy if you can. Talk with trusted friends and family. Journal. Whatever works for you. If you’re like me and you’re several years removed from the initial grief, know that' it’s OK to still feel disappointed or sad about the loss of that relationship.

You’ve got this, friend.