How did you tell your husband?

One of the questions I get the most from other late bloomers is “how did you tell your husband you were gay?”

The truth is, by the time I figured it out, I was ready to completely uproot my life in order to live my truth. At the time, my husband was overseas. I called him and said “do you remember how I used to be gay? Well, I still am.”

I immediately started moving things forward to make changes in our relationship. We would no longer be a couple, I would move out, and we would eventually file for divorce.

I felt pressured to move swiftly and to have hard and fast boundaries about the end of our relationship. I felt like I needed to immediately establish myself as a lesbian (much like that oh so common urge to “look gay“ when you first come out. Yes, I did that too).

Looking back, my approach may not have been the best. What worked for us may not work for you when it’s time to share the big news.

Stay tuned for my next post on what I would do differently and some tips on how to come out to your partner.