Was It Fate?

Often when we find ourselves in an abusive relationship, we look back and think of how “perfect” things were in the beginning. How everything felt like fate when you first spent time with them. Most likely, they were even telling you that it was fate.

The reality is that in many of these situations, the abusive person was several steps ahead of their victim. Perhaps they were watching you for awhile, feeling out whether you would be worth pursuing or not (aka, someone they felt they could manipulate).

In my case, I did indeed feel as if fate had a hand in our beginning. They had swooped in to save me, right? WRONG. They had been watching me. They saw me, a lonely stay at home mom all over town. They gathered that I would be an easy target and made their move when the moment seemed right (when I was most vulnerable).

Whether you are still in it or have been out for awhile, look back on that time with them and see if you can reframe what happened. Was there a time that they said something that was a dead giveaway that they had indeed been several steps ahead of you? For me, it was near the end of the relationship when, after insisting for years that they had never noticed me, they said, “I remember seeing you all over town and you always looked so lonely.”

It’s not fate. It’s never fate with an abusive person. It’s the start of coercive control.