The Fake Break Up

This week I created a lot of content surrounding the “fake break up” delivered by a narcissist. What does it look like? Why do they do it? What is the desired response? What can you do to handle it?

You bring up a serious topic for discussion. They immediately get angry and say “let’s break up.” Why?

It’s a bluff. It’s a stonewalling (emotional abuse) tactic. It serves to shut down the conversation, giving them full control. They may walk away. They may say more like “go back to your ex then,” “leave me if you’re so miserable,” or “you’re always looking for a way out.” You’re confused as to why that is their go to response. You’re not sure what to do next.

Their hope is that you will shut up. That you’ll drop the subject at hand and completely forget about it. They may even be hoping to trigger your abandonment wound so you’re begging them not to break up with you. Maybe now you’re apologizing. Maybe now you look like the problem. See how easily they turned it on you?

So what can you do? You can take it seriously. You can not let them sweep it under the rug. You can start setting boundaries and work on ways to disentangle yourself from the relationship that’s been slowly sucking the life out of you. If you can’t start working on that, at the very least, you can simply not react. Quietly say “ok” and go about your day. A reaction is just what they want.